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Things Kids Say
This is a new and will be an
on-going feature in the Highlands News Service. “Things Kids Say.”
As Art Linkletter used to say, “Kids say the darndest things.” If
you’d like to share some of the funny or interesting things your
kids say or do, feel free to e-mail them to:
richard.johnston@verizon.net
. Use only the child’s
first name.
JACK
If
you ask him Jack will tell you he’s four. He and his twin sister,
Lizzie, get along pretty well for four year olds but they do get
into it once in awhile. This week one of those times happened and
as usual Jack had come out on the short end of it and
concluded….he’d had it.
He
turned to his dad and told him he was going to “find another family
to live with…. one with no girls or old people.”
As
usual his dad contained his hidden amusement and went about his
business while Jack retired to his room. A short time later Jack
returned to the kitchen where his father was reading the paper,
dressed with hat and coat and his knapsack on his back.
Are
you leaving, his dad asked. Yes, came Jack’s reply. Where are you
going, dad asked. No response. Do you have any money, dad asked.
No, came the reply. Do you think you’re going to need money, dad
asked. Yes, said Jack, after a short pause. How much do you think
you’ll need, asked dad. Jack thought for a few seconds and then
answered, $200.
Where do you plan on sleeping tonight, asked dad. No answer. What
do you have in your knapsack, asked dad. Nuffin, came the reply.
Well, what will you sleep in if you don’t have your favorite pajamas
and clothes for school tomorrow. I’ll have a new mommy and daddy
and they’ll give me clothes and food and there won’t be any girls.
Don’t you think it might be an idea to wait until tomorrow when it
isn’t dark, dad asked. No answer but Jack turned went into the
hallway and sat down on the bottom stair….. deep in thought. A
little while later he quietly went back upstairs to his room, donned
his favorite pajamas and went in and watched television with his
sister until bed time. The next morning went like any other
morning…getting ready to go to pre-school with Lizzie and debating
with his mother about what he would take for snacks and lunch.
KEATON
Keaton is an unbelievably cute
and precocious six year old child. His older sister is 20. The other
night she was heading out to meet friends and her father admonished
her, remember no drinking anything but milk. That got Keaton’s
attention and he confided to his grandmother who was sitting in the
living room with him. “You know grandma,” he said, “you can get
chocolate milk from a cow. “No, Keaton,” grandma said, “cows only
give white milk.” “You mean with all those faucets you can only get
vanilla milk,” he said.
MICHAEL
Mike is just four and the other day he was sitting in the back seat
with his brother and sister returning home from a day with his
cousins. The day hadn’t gone too well and Mike had to “talked to” by
dad and he wasn’t happy about it.
The
kids were chatting about something involving a song being sung at a
funeral. Dad asked, Michael, what song would you sing at my
funeral. Without missing a beat the little guy retorted, “ding dong
the old witch is dead.”
IT’S
JACK AGAIN
Halloween night and Jack and his
four year old twin sister, Lizzie, were excited about getting their
costumes just right so they could join their friends in making trick
or treat rounds. Amy and Tom were doing the best they could to get
them ready. Then it happened. Jack was putting his mask in place
and the elastic band snapped hitting him in the face. One would
have thought Jack caught a piece of shrapnel. He howled so he could
be heard a block away. One has to understand that when Jack gets
wound up in a crying mode there’s no stopping him. Tom and Amy
tried their best but Jack wasn’t being consoled. Finally, a bit
frustrated seeing Lizzie wanting to get going, Tom said, OK Jack,
Lizzie and I are going….last chance, are you coming. No way, Jack
howled on and Tom and Lizzie left. Amy summing up all her motherly
instincts just kept consoling Jack and finally he got quiet enough
to listen. Jack, said Amy, tonight’s Halloween and all the kids are
going door to door. You won’t get a chance to do this again until
next year. Are you sure you want to do this. Finally, Amy saw an
opening and suggested, Jack, half the time is gone but we still have
another hour if you want to go. I’ll come with you. Jack relented
and off they went. As they were walking along the street Amy was
still cajoling Jack. Now Jack, she said, see what you would have
missed. Wasn’t it silly for you to make such a fuss. Whatever
possessed you to act that way. Silence for a moment, then Jack
looked up at her and with a serious look on his face said, “The
devil made me do it.” To Amy’s knowledge Jack had never heard of the
devil. She didn’t know where he heard about it or even the
expression that a comedian made popular years ago.
KENNY
In
this particular church this particular priest called all the
children up onto the altar before the Children’s mass and he would
ask them simple questions about how they were doing with their
spiritual lives. Out of nowhere, Kenny, who was standing at the
priest’s side, volunteered, “My grandma doesn’t believe in Jesus.”
Grandma was in one of the front pews and let out an audible gasp.
The priest, who had known grandma for at least 20 years, knew he had
a live one here. “So, your grandma doesn’t believe in Jesus,” he
said.
“Nope,” came Kenny’s response. He’s four. The priest looked out at
grandma and asked, is that right Yvonne, you don’t believe in
Jesus. Now, to try to get the whole story the priest walked down
off the altar, over to grandma and held her hand up, “this is the
grandma that doesn’t believe in Jesus,” he said. By this time most
of the people in the pews were hilarious and grandma was as
embarrassed as she ever had been. Later, when he returned to the
pew grandma asked, “Kenny, whatever made you say something like
that.” “I just wanted to say something and that’s all I could think
of,” was his response.
NAME UNKNOWN
Parents should always be wary of
priests, ministers or rabbis who think its fun to ask little kids
questions before or during a service. One time I was sitting a
couple of pews behind a mother whose little guy, about five, was
sitting a good bit over to her right. In this situation the priest
was asking children about their parents and their home lives and
getting some funny responses. Then the little guy in front of me who
had his hand up was called on and started to respond. As he started
to speak the mother actually leapt across her other two kids to put
her hand over the little guy’s mouth and in the process landed on
one of her knees. Needless to say the rest of the people in the
church got a good laugh while the mass continued.
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